3rd January `10

My life has been kinda messy. I'm still struggling to make myself happy, struggling to get over him, and I'm forcing myself to move on. I wish I'd never fallen in love so deeply. I'm totally frustrated with him. This is not a good way to end a relationship, baby.

Dear,

I'm sorry, i had tried my best to be strong for you, i tried my best to be there for you, to support you all the way. But it seems like its not enough. I failed to fix our relationship. I failed to make you stay.

Thanx for all the memories, the love that u ever had for me, the moments we spent together and the hopes that u gave. I really appreciate it.

YOU FAILED TO KEEP YOUR PROMISES and yet I BLAME MYSELF FOR IT.

Biar sementara, yang penting aku bahagia.

When? Last Saturday and Monday.

Where? Wawasan plaza, Indah Permai, Centre Point and in my car. XD

Why? Hang out with the love of my life.

Who? The one and only; Syaiful Nizam Nawir.

Damn i love him so much even thou he's not my boyfriend anymore.

Too many sweet memories. I don't even know where to start. And when i started to talk about him, it will be hard for me to stop. Haha

Thanx to you my ex-Cinta. For all the joy you bring me

*Pictures are all blur. Something is wrong with my phone's cam.

Why?

when u kn0w, he's n0t the right pers0n f0r u, why are u still trying t0 work it out? Why are u still h0ping that things will change? Why are u still there f0r him eventh0u he just never realize h0w much u care about him and never appreciate u the way he supp0sed t0? Why?? Why am i still d0ing all these creepy n0nsense?

and why? why am i still in love with him?

To Syaiful Nizam.

Hari ni bday org yg amat penting bagi aku; Syaiful Nizam. Org yg pernah membahagiakan aku, org yg pernah menyayangi aku, org yang amat besar ertinya bagi diri aku. Orang yang menerima aku sebagaimana aku adanya dan sejujurnya, perasaan cinta itu masih ada untuk dia. Aku sendiri tidak tahu apa yg telah dia lakukan pd aku smpi kesannya menjadi sangat dalam bagi aku. Kehadiran dia dlm hidup aku amat bermakna dan rasanya tidak dapat terganti oleh orang lain. Ya, aku tidak dapat mencintai dan menyayangi orang lain sebagaimana aku menyayangi dan mencintai dia. Dia takkan terganti. Dia tiada duanya di hati ini. Biarlah, katakanlah aku bodoh dan buta kerana memilih untuk diperbodohkan dan dibutakan dalam cinta dia. Biarlah, takkan terhirau segala ungkapan yang dilontarkan. Melainkan dia sendiri yang menyatakan tiada lagi kemanisan emosi terasa bila menyebut nama aku. Aku cuma akan berhenti dengan perasaan ini apabila dia sendiri yang mengarahkan aku untuk berhenti.

Happy birthday to you Syaiful Nizam. Semoga bahagia di samping orang tersayang. Carilah kebahagiaan mu walaupun itu mungkin bukan disamping aku. Hiasi lah hidup mu dengan kehidupan yang bermakna dan boleh dibanggakan oleh kedua orang tuamu. Sayangi dan hargailah mereka mereka yang ada di sekeliling mu dan pastikan dirimu kekal tabah untuk meneruskan perjuangan di Bumi Allah yang serba indah ini.

Its 6th December, and finally.

Together again.

I would like to wish a very happy birthday to my dearest lil bro and also to my housemate, Jukhairiah. Wish u guys all the best and many happy returns.

Oh yea, I'm going home to Sabah tomorrow. Cant wait to be home, to be with my beloved family, boyfriend and friends. Btw, its December, You will notice that this month there will be lot of birthday wishes. Hahaha..

Hv a great day everyone.

Special entry for my beloved Beb.

Yeahh.. Happy 23th birthday darling.. Tua sda ko kan? Jangan kasi lama.. Kawin la cpt... Heuheuheu.. Anyway, i wish u all the best in everything you do.. Sorry i cant be there to celebrate ur bday.. Hopefully nti aku balik KK, aku buatkan ko Cuppycake. (as u request) Hahaha..

Enjoy ur day ;) i luv u beb..